Loss of My Beloved

At that time my husband was feeling quite well. He took time off more often. On a Tuesday, about May 21, 1974, we went around to visit our relatives and a few friends. On May 23, we went to town to visit our daughter Phyl in Tarrytown to see three of her little girls in a dance recital. Mario and Carmela and their daughter Marion also went. When we got there my husband offered to baby-sit for the youngest, Laura, then three years old. He was too tired to go to the recital. At night he put Laura to bed and fell asleep on a chair.

Every end of May the Lions Club has a big auction. Tony had always been active in it. He would also go around with a friend and his truck to pick up donations of plants to sell at the auction. My husband donated many plants from our hot houses. I baked cakes and brownies to sell at the refreshment stand. This auction was on May 24, 25, and 26 of 1974. My husband was feeling blue because the Lions Club members put him selling chances on a car, seated at a table. The members all liked him and they wouldn't let him pick up any furniture or do anything heavy. They said he did enough hard work when he was younger.

On May 26 we got up and had breakfast. Tony was talking about several old people and how much longer they might live. Then he said, “Who knows, I might go before them.” We went to church and received communion. After mass we went to visit Carmela for a little while. Tony was fidgety. We then went to visit our son John because May 25 was his wedding anniversary. We brought him a gift, had a cup of coffee and went home.

When we got home we found a friend of Tony's who had come to buy tomato plants. They went to the greenhouses together. Tony came home for lunch and said that he and his friend had sat on a log and had a grand chat together. After lunch we looked at television. He fell asleep for awhile. He didn't look too well to me. He never complained about not feeling good. He got on his blue bicycle and went back to the hot-houses. He loved to ride his bicycle; he used it to ride all around the place.

At 3:00 p.m. our daughter Ann and her family came to visit for a short while. They were going to dinner with a friend who lived in Tenafly, N.J. Ann's oldest daughter, Marie, was in a fashion show. The children were going to be dressed in something of the early 1900's, so she was going to wear my wedding gown. Marie, my husband and I went to look at our wedding pictures. Marie put her arms around her grandfather and kissed him. She said, “Grandpop, you were a handsome man.” Then she looked up at him and said, “You are still a good looking gentleman. I love you very much.” That was the last time Marie saw her grandfather.

I said to my husband, “Let's take a ride.”

He said, “No, I'm too tired.”

So I went for a walk around the house. He lay on the bed. When I came in, my husband got up. We had supper and then went to look at television. About 9:00 p.m., Tony made a dish with pieces of cheese and was nibbling. He asked, “Would you like a few pieces?”

I said, “No, thank you.”

So he said, “They are the last of the Mohicans.”

We chatted together for a while. About 10:30 we went to bed. While in bed Tony said, “Mary, you could never learn to take care of the books and write checks.”

I answered, “Tony, you do it so well. Why should I take your job away?” I felt that if I did it, he wouldn't have enough to do and feel as though he wasn't needed.

He then said, “If anything happens to me, I can just hear you calling for your two sons. You love your daughters. You always do what they tell you.”

I said, “You are the first on my list. I love you.”

We both turned over and he fell asleep. At 11:00 I went to the bathroom. On my way back to bed, I went to his side of the bed. I noticed that his face was a deep red and his breathing heavy. I went and lifted his head. It was deep in the pillow. I talked to him and got no answer. I knew something was very wrong so I said, “Tony, I'm going in the other room. I will be right back,” thinking maybe he could hear. I went and called the police to tell them that my husband was not breathing right, “Please send an ambulance squad over.”

I called our son Tony to come and help me. In the excitement I forgot to take the bottom lock off the outside door. My son kicked so hard he broke the lock and came in. His daughter, Barbara, was with him. I was screaming and kept going, “Tony, don't leave me.”

When our son got in, he tried to calm me. Then he said to 16-year-old Barbara, “You had a first aid course. Give your grandpop mouth to mouth resuscitation.” Barbara did her best.

The policemen, with first aid equipment, arrived quickly. They worked on my husband and got no response. Then the ambulance corps arrived and they got to work on Tony. In 15 minutes, two priests, the doctor, policemen, and ambulance corps were there. Our two sons John and Tony, and daughter Carmela were all there.

I kept praying. The doctor came into the living room and he said, “Mary, Tony has passed away. He didn't have a chance with the massive heart attack. That is the reason I didn't send him to the hospital.”

I cried, “Oh, doctor, what am I going to do without Tony?”

He said, “Mary, you are lucky you have five good children who love you. They will show you the way and see that you are taken care of.”

The night after they took Tony's body to the funeral home, I went to sleep at Carmela's house. I cried all night. I just kept dreaming and thinking of everything that had happened. I slept about two hours.

In the early morning our other two daughters and their husbands came to the house. Later, Tony's sisters and their husbands arrived. My daughter-in-law, Lorraine, came to the house to change the bed, vacuum the floor and air the room because I was going to sleep in it. I had to stay home so that my sisters-in-law and their husbands could sleep at my house.

The next morning two of my children and myself went to the funeral parlor to pick out the casket and make all the arrangements for the funeral. My heart was breaking but I wanted to make sure that everything was going to be done right. The first night Tony was laid out they had to put him in a smaller room because they had someone else in the larger room. The room got so full they had to put the people in the hall. The second night they put him in the larger room. The room was full of flowers. That room also became full to the brim. All our relatives and our old friends from Florham Park attended the wake. Many people from different organizations and all our children's friends came to the wake. Everyone in town knew him and liked him because he was a businessman in Closter.

There were people who wanted to give something, so we told them to give a donation to the heart fund. Tony received hundreds of mass cards. The Knights of Columbus gave a priest's outfit in his name. After the funeral we gave the outfit to Saint Mary's church.

The second night after Tony died, I slept in the bed my husband passed away in and I am still sleeping there today. I'm not frightened to sleep there. It makes me feel as though Tony is still close to me.

Our older granddaughters put on aprons and cooked all the meals for us. They loved their grandfather and wanted everything to run smoothly. I was proud of them. One morning we were having breakfast; my two sisters-in-law said to me, “Mary, you have been a good wife to our brother. You always did everything Tony wanted to do. You always treated him well. You did everything to keep him happy. We know sometimes you wanted to do something else but ended up doing whatever pleased Tony.” It made me feel good to hear my sisters-in-law say that.

We had the funeral services at Saint Mary's Church in Closter. The church was full. Father Grey said a very touching homily. He knew my husband well. Father Grey used to be a priest in Englewood at Saint Cecilia's church. He used to come to buy flowers at our greenhouses. One time he came and said, “We are having a Novena for Saint Theresa. At the end of November everyone will get a rose.” My husband had said, “The roses are from me. You don't have to pay anything.” Father Grey thought that was a very good deed.

Our oldest grandchild was 22 years old and the youngest three years old when their grandfather passed away. The youngest, Laura, was the only one who didn't see her grandfather laid out in the coffin. She could not understand why she couldn't see him. She wanted to know where grandfather went and if he would ever come back to visit them. Dino told her that grandfather had gone to heaven; he was going to be with God. Little minds run astray, so we finally took her to the graveyard and tried to explain everything to her. We made a mistake when she did not go to see her grandfather in the coffin.

Tony chose to be buried in Madison, N.J., our old home town. We own eight plots with a beautiful headstone. Tony's mother is buried there. I will also be buried there. Many people came to Madison to see the burial. The funeral parlor owner, Mr. Moritz, also came. He was a Lions Club member with my husband. He said to me, “No wonder Tony wanted to get buried here. It is a beautiful place.” Tony's sister, Louise, lives not far from the graveyard. She sees to it that our plot is kept neat and planted with flowers.